Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone has been perpetrated by young muslim men.

The Mail can reveal that young muslim men are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the young muslim men, "kill the poor".